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Something snappy like: “Stop your bitching,” “Hold your goddamn horses,” or “Fuck off.” This time they said nothing. Normally the people in the shower would shout something back. “Hey, there’s people waiting out here!” I hollered. What the fuck? The line had grown in that time, and now four convicts were awaiting their turn in the rain box. I stepped back out into the hallway to await my turn. Each was running with clothing piled on its respective bench bolted to the wall outside. Like usual, I approached the dimly lit shower area (a filthy, mildew-scented, ceramic tile-covered room of debauchery with no doors and two curtained showers tucked into its rear) and stepped inside to see if both showers were occupied. About sixty convicts were housed there and shared two showers located at the rock’s end. My unit had long rocks (a floor of the housing unit) with cells lining each side and facing inward with a 10-foot-wide, tiled hallway in between. I was dripping sweat and my armpits were reeking of sourness. It was a hot summer day, so flippin’ hot you could’ve fried hotdogs on the asphalt, and I’d just returned to my housing unit from working out in the weight pit for about an hour. Acrobatic, even and PG enough for me to actually get it published. One has always stuck out in my mind as being kind of weird, yet funny. I’d like to share one of these not-so-treasured experiences with you. He used to shell out twenty five dollars for a pill bottle’s worth of the gooey white stuff. I once knew a male guard who used to pay convicts for their semen. What, you didn’t think guards were involved? Hell, some of the freakiest humans I’ve ever run across in prison were NOT convicts. And, let’s face it: the men who find their way into prison aren’t always the most moral of people, and neither are the women who choose to work in such an environment. You’d be surprised how creative men (and sometimes women-see below) can be when they have too much time on their hands. I’ve also witnessed many variations and several combinations of what’s listed above. Hell of a visual, eh? Each one of these things could be their own little story.īut the things I’ve described above don’t even come close to the myriad of strange occurrences I’ve witnessed that’s just the most common stuff. I’ve seen them masturbating in the shower, squatting and taking a shit in the shower, jamming things up their ass in the shower, and pulling things from their ass in the shower. I’ve seen men butchered in the shower, gang raped in the shower, ass fucked in the shower, sucked in the shower, and shaved in the shower. I can remember a time way back at the beginning of my bid when I dreaded going into the showers, always afraid of what new horror lurked there. And I’m positive that has happened to me in many ways. Of course, if you’re around something long enough, it can easily become commonplace. During my twenty years of incarceration I’ve seen some of the most bizarre things, but none have been more unnerving than the oddities I’ve witnessed in prison showers.